worst behaviour

on my worst days I believe I live in a cynical world and its all bad and against me and then on good days I think the world is pretty, beautiful all sugarplums and marshmallows. I love my life and I strive for progress and success but in my strive I meet challenges just like everybody else. its how I deal with those trying times that is interesting.

sometimes I give myself one of those reassuring pep talks in the mirror and start the day with 'I'm going to beat this' attitude. which usually deflates the second I come face to face with the problem.
other times I pretend there is no problem and go about ignoring all roads leading to me dealing with the huddle. this usually does not end well because I then fail to realize the gravity on the situation in time to deflect calamities that befall me.

Then there is this thing I do which is a mixture of self pity and 'its-not-my-fault' syndrome. This one gets me nowhere and I just end up with cry-headaches and messed up mascara, with the problem still there...looking at me with a smirk.

And my last  way of trying to deal with the ever indulging problems in life is being on my worst behavior. That is being so irritable, snappy and ridiculously annoying that I chose to hibernate in my room and save my family and people around me from the wrath of my unstable state. I unintentionally get this 'don't talk to me' face on and say as little as possible the whole day. My OCD tendencies become unbelievably absurd and i usually rearrange my room. I get this way because usually the problem or challenge at hand seems so big at the time I feel defeated. so defeated that the only way i think i will survive is controlling aspects in my life I can, like who I talk to, how things are arranged and look. and the silence makes it all believable.
I guess in a sick way its sorta kinda normal to be in this kinda worst behaviour. But what I have recently learnt, in a not so nice way, that this worst behaviour of mine sometimes just takes a little bit of me away. i don't act and look like me when in the state of worst behaviour(well..in my head i was like that's the whole point duh'worst behaviour!). but then i thought about it and came to the conclusion that what you portray most of the time over and over again is usually who you are in a way.so if i am at my worst behaviour more times than i am not then i portray me as that typagirl in some typaway.so its best i limit this worst behaviour  to huge challenges in life not just mediocre things like losing a pair of shades or finding out that my colour coded shoe arrangement has been messed with or that i cant find the right words to use in my conclusion part of an assignment due next week. its silly i know but i am special like that :) *

 But on the real though, i have to find a new kinda worst behaviour which does not involve insane tactics of melodrama. maybe it wont even be worst behaviour, maybe it will be something way cool and grown. you know...mature typa stuff.

here is to my worst behaviour...(lifting imaginary glass of bubbly...or orange juice...or milk...wait i hate milk...ok just a glass then)

:) <3 :)